This month, the Pope has asked us to pray for ‘Families in Crisis’ - “that broken families might discover the cure for their wounds through forgiveness, rediscovering each other’s gifts, even in their differences.”
Speaking from personal experience, forgiveness and the appreciation of each family member’s unique personality and opinion are crucial to a healthy family life. There might even be times when “agreeing to disagree” (and saying it calmly, not spitefully), is the best way forward.
I was eighteen when I woke up one morning two weeks before Christmas to find that my father had left our family. The truth is, we had a very troubled family life. Both my sister and I ended up in a psychiatrist's office and on medication at different points of our lives. My family has healed a great deal but like the scars people get in a truly horrific accident - the scars hidden in our hearts remain.
The older I get and the more I share my story - the more stories I hear as well. I am now able to see things from an adult's perspective as well as the child's. The truth is every family has its own set of problems unique to itself. And sadly, there might not be a "happy ending" to the story. At least, not the kind you see in the movies. Life doesn't have neat solutions. My mother, sister and I have had difficult conversations with each other throughout the years (and we continue to have them). This is important for any family in crisis. You have to be willing to create a safe space for each other to talk about what is going on. Also, don't let stigma keep you from seeking professional help when you need it. A counsellor's guidance can be invaluable during family crises.
Establishing a real relationship with God is absolutely crucial to healing and discerning the next step. Sometimes, your spouse/daughter/son/parent isn’t going to listen to you.
But God will. He is always with you.
To those in crisis, I suggest (when possible) going for daily Mass or sitting before the Blessed Sacrament. Be honest. Share your fears, sorrows, anger and loss with Him. And when you finally have no more words - be quiet before Him. Give Him a chance to speak. Remain in His presence throughout your day - turn your thoughts to Him as often as possible. Loneliness and feeling caught in what seems an unsolvable situation is alienating. God doesn’t want us to feel lost - He wants us to know that He is always with us.
It sounds simplistic but I wish I had truly understood this years ago.
To all families in crisis, you are in my prayers.
Kathleen